Saturday, July 28, 2007

Such love, and blind anger

She still appears in my dreams, tall,
lovely long neck, slim, lithe beauty,
same one who decided to run
her car over me, missing, so angry

at our Creator Who'd provided all things.
One (Two-and-a-half) and another waiting
in the womb, still unseen, also angry.
Finally came to get her things, while

Two-and-a-half, as I had taught him, cupped
handful of small rocks/sand, letting sand slip
through fingers with rocks to toss left, and right.
Doing the same, he came to me, taking his time,

but he dropped the rocks, reached up
and hugged me tight, with calm, sweet spirit.
Twice more the same, sedately, in no hurry,
saying he loved me and good bye, without words.

She had offered him to me before, without siblings;
I wanted them together & she took them away, bitter.
I needed her heart to break, for the wrongness.
24 now, 2-1/2 can't remember, but made sure I would.

surfaced by Brandy's sweet countenance @ WaffleHouse


I've tried to tell my story, with few
ears to listen, many only to hear.
What I've found I can't give away.
Still, I hope to share and bless.

Things are panoramic beyond gender,
able to understand much, much more.
While looking to break hearts in the best way,
& hoping to see others eyes' light of epiphany,

I stand within on solid foundation of truth,
compassion built lovingly upon touch,
close in caring and help to those
who need it most, who've found faith.


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Not knowing . . .

. . . where to go, what or how to do or even whether,
what must needs be, one or another way.
I flicker at the edge of the path,
and sit down to consider, still at a loss,

. . . not knowing.

I can't walk away or do nothing,
looking into sweetest eyes and sweeter lips
of one so loved, it hurts to see such
anguished need hanging on thread of longing . . .

. . . while dilemma only deepens and understanding waits.


Friday, July 13, 2007

Reaching forever . . .

I am melancholy man, your closest friend,
your greatest hope, your most precious love,
not the one you hate, not one who hurt
you, not the one who didn't care.

"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me . . ."+
Look at me, understand me, reach me, touch me.
Don't let me languish, finding only emptiness.
Only love & faith hold me together, without you.

Two walked away, not caring to understand.
Now you approach, peering intently, wanting.
Reach me, touch me, hold me, caress me.
Most dear one, I've loved you forever.


Friday, July 6, 2007

Freedom or oblivion . . .

Found the station+, 1969; no one there knew.
Like Vin Diesel, passing through.
Had sighted high glens on the Mountains
of the sun; higher still, heaven glinting off.

Group-think-speak found at the station+,
while one white bird+ briefly lit, then
winged off beyond the Mountains, leaving
gilded men behind at the station+ in dark of fear.

Guild of group-think couldn't lock golden cage+,
while far off, wings shed for spirit freedom.
The station+ falls to dust of destruction,
with gilden men of group-spink found of oblivion.


Sunday, July 1, 2007

Conversation w/Spiral Jetty

   spiral jetty: yo surfers.
   spiral jetty: hey mayarowl. wanna talk about thoughts and fractals?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Hellow there! - *smile* - Sure!
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Where would you like to start, the holographic mind?
   spiral jetty: I was *thinking* that our sensation of time is created by our thoughts... what do you say to that?
   spiral jetty: yes, the holographic mind. shoot.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Okay, sure. - *smile* - Well, we cannot change time itself, but yes, we can change our perception of it, just not within its context. - That is where meditation comes in, eh? - *smile* -> more
   spiral jetty: MayarOwl. what if I told you I can slow down and speed up time within it's context?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- With meditation (as defined at: ) there are many things you can learn, but don't use it to play or you can get into trouble and find yourself in the hands of nefarious ones at higher/deeper levels. - MayarOwl had a twelve-hour-long meditation when he was twenty for which he prepared for six months before. - It lasted longer than the length of a lifetime, but you have to know where you're going. - *selah*
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- No, only our Creator can do that, but He won't because it is not in His plan. - History is another matter. - *smile*
   spiral jetty: so where did you go? to the stars?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- No, MayarOwl went within. - *smile* - You see, that is a place no one (it seems) knows "where" to find. - *shrug* - You find it through meditation (again as defined above).
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Within is neither a "place" with x-y-z coordinates nor can it be found in the context of time (duration). - *selah*
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- It involves much more than what is in the definition above, but you have to make a commitment to it or it will never be found. - That is because unless one makes it a part of their life's goal, it just won't "happen" by itself.
   spiral jetty: of course it won't.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Right. - MayarOwl began serious meditation in 1964 because he knew there was far more to life than what could be found with either five or even six senses. - So he quieted himself completely, and listened intently within, ignoring all else.
   spiral jetty: And of course direction and purpose came to you from yourself.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Yes, in what you decide is important and what is not, exactly. - The thing is to decide that what is important is truth, and nothing less, or there will be much that will only confuse if you depend on imagination bonded with perception. - Imagination must remain idle. - SpiralJetty, what is the sound of one hand clapping?
   spiral jetty: I don't know. never seriously worked on koans...
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- The whole, original, point of the question was to pose an imponderable, unsolvable question, meaning that its purpose was to teach the mind that by thinking one cannot come to knowing. - *smile* - And neither is thought knowledge, eh?
   spiral jetty: oh. is that all? I do that a lot anyway. Silence.
   spiral jetty: so do you know anything about the coming changes to the earth and the sun?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Yes, understood. - It is hard to get the mind to understand that its own thinking can't take it anywhere significant within at all. - MayarOwl understood that from the start, but had to learn it a few times anyway, the mind being so stubborn to think it can know. - It only puzzles the mind because it cannot fathom it in thought. - That is the first lesson, that it cannot be successfully pondered. - *selah*
   spiral jetty: or about stargates? ... yep. So have you vanquished your mind completely?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- It doesn't matter. - The only thing that matters is what is within. - What is without will "take care of itself," so to speak. - Yes, there are many things MayarOwl has much interest in, crop circles, the Mayan Tzolkin calendar, etc., but he doesn't allow it to blur his inner focus.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- No, it has been taught to be the proper, obedient vessel of MayarOwl's spirit. - Outside of that job, the mind is useless in the most important respect.
   spiral jetty: ok. I won't let it blur mine either. So what does your inner focus guide you to think or talk about right now?
   spiral jetty: do you read any castaneda?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- MayarOwl read the first five books by Castaneda, but after the first chapter of book six he was finished; you see, there is no one "place (or time) of power" as don Juan continued to speak of with Carlos. - The thing most important, as always, is truth, and not just truth as it relates to the world, more rather what truth is at depth. - *selah*
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- And to reach depth, within, one must meditate (again, as defined in the above link).
   spiral jetty: tell me more, what didn't you like about the idea of a place of power?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- It wasn't a matter of "like," but rather that there was no such thing, eh? - *smile*
   selki: hello (((MayorOwl))) (((spiral jetty)))
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- MayarOwl wasn't looking for power, just insight into what Carlos was writing about in order to understand the nefariousness of don Juan and others like him in this world, though they may be few. - MayarOwl found far, far deeper places, without confusion at all. - *smile*
   MayarOwl: Selki -- Hellow! - *smile* - Great to see you, dear Selki. - Hope you are doing well. - *hugs*
   spiral jetty: you think don juan is nefarious?
so you feel you have found a deeper truth than the castaneda books in this holographic description?
   selki: MayorOwl, I'm good, visiting my brother. This is the first chance I've had to check in, we were busy with my nephew's wedding.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Certainly. - *smile* - His nefariousness was cleverly hidden, because Carlos couldn't see beyond the etheric, which is where don Juan "played" with him. -> more
   MayarOwl: Selki -- Ah, glad to hear that. - *smile* - Sounds like you are having an interesting time with it all.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- There is so, so much more that makes all that pale into deep colors of black in comparison, dear SpiralJetty. - You know, like a sunspot; if you took a sunspot aside from the rest of the surface of the sun, it would look bright, just not nearly as bright as the surrounding sun's surface. - By itself, any one "belief system" may seem bright, but when put beside the brightness of truth it looks very dark. - *selah*
   MayarOwl: <--- Surf's up! - *smile*
   spiral jetty: that's cool. I like that. and so we get to that huge truth just by meditating, huh? Would you agree with a definition of meditation given to me by a friend that "meditation is listening"?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- In great part, yes, meditation is listening, but listening deeply within, agreed. - *smile* - Listening to the world, or even to what may/may not be in the etheric is completely distracting from what should be paid far more attention to deep within. - *selah*
   spiral jetty: well here's a quicky for ya. I don't know in which of his books carlos talks about the location of the assemblage point called the place of no pity. I think I've found it by myself. (and how does the assemblage point and the energy body figure into your view of reality?
   spiral jetty: which is our true mind, isn't it? our true selves.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- What is real is real, but to put words on something that easily explains itself without words only masks it. - You see, again, there goes the mind again, trying to bottle something with words which cannot be done. - You see, most who "teach" meditation... --> more
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Most who "teach" meditation will train you how to control the breath, and without ever mentioning that it is vital to learn the electro-chemical language of the breath first. - Without knowing that "language," one will never really control the breath; and the breath knows it, too, and one can never rise to what meditation should be about. - *selah*
   spiral jetty: ok. so here's a good question; I'm ready to unbottle my world. What does it take to prepare an individual to make that connection to within a permanent and conscious feature of daily life? What did you do for six months to prepare?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- The breath will continue its own control and never hand it over to you without you knowing its language, because that's actually dangerous. - MayarOwl found that out by experience. - SpiralJetty, we live in a physical body (matter/energy), we have a mind/soul (including emotion and thought), but we are our spirit self. - However, most sleep, and know nothing of their spirit, never having looked its direction, deep within. - *selah*
   spiral jetty: so "going deep within" is a metaphor for moving your assemblage point. What are you doing while your assemblage point is displaced? Just observing, eh?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- MayarOwl prepared himself with normal meditation, getting the mind to a point of idle so his spirit could reach far on. - Also, MayarOwl prepared his physical body with fasting and daily routines that would help to be able to be idle for twelve hours without any needs to be tended to. - MayarOwl did not want to return, but knew he would have to. - *sigh*
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- No, going within has nothing to do with "moving [any] assemblage point." - Sorry, SpiralJetty, but what MayarOwl teaches he could never put into any box made of words very successfully. - The last twenty years have been spent learning how to explain what he learned within. - There is more to it than simple observation.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- It is something one simply has to do. - Listening to teaching of meditation is not meditation, eh? - *smile* - You see, the mind is the last thing you want controling your meditation. - *smile*
   spiral jetty: well let's talk more about the holographic universe, yeah? How does the world of energy fit into that view? Or can't that be talked about either?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Matter and energy are counterparts of each other, as physics teaches. - Do you know the story of the first holographic image that was made?
   spiral jetty: no, tell me.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Sorry, got bumped out of chat somehow, *Whew!* --> more
   spiral jetty: what do you think then about the lines of intent that are perceivable according to castaneda, and the assemblage point and the energy body around the physical body? Are they all holograms?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Well, to make it short, when they finished making it, somehow it got broken (it was a thick plate of glass with film emulsion embedded in it under great pressure, then exposed from every direction and developed). - The piece that was broken off had the entire image in it, too, but was smaller of course. - Then they broke it into smaller and smaller pieces. - Each smaller and smaller piece still had the entire image in it. - *smile*
   ginja: hello*S
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- What you are talking about cannot be understood in the "simple" context of holographic understanding in the physical context, or even in the etheric context. - One must be at the next level deeper to see it as it should be, which don Juan never talked about because he never reached that deep. - *selah*
   spiral jetty: oh yeah, I've heard about that. kinda reminds me of the Buddha's 'world in a mustard seed'
   MayarOwl: Ginga -- Hellow.
   spiral jetty: what is the etheric to you? don't know what you mean..
   ginja: listening ~~~
   spiral jetty: hi ginja
   ginja: :)
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Let's start with prana (some call it qi, or chi, and there is only one kind, not many as some speak of). - Prana is the etheric counterpart of oxygen, but with extremely different properties. - Back in late 1996/early 1997 MayarOwl held meditation classes in his own chat room at SWC; wish you were there. - *smile*
   MayarOwl: <--- Surf's up! - *smile*
   ginja: yup ~~~
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- The etheric can only be understood through learning about it through serious meditation that one must make a lifetime commitment to. - MayarOwl just talking about it will not really give you much insight into it unless you have questions about it after having experienced it from meditative states, within. - *selah*
   MayarOwl: Ginga -- *chuckling*
   spiral jetty: so the etheric is the other half of the world, the first being the side of matter?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- No, the etheric is between the world of matter/energy and mind/soul. - *smile* - And the only way to "get there" is through meditation.
   spiral jetty: I'm not looking to you for insight into my reality. Chatting is generally not an enlightening experience anyway... I was just trying to figure out what you mean by it...
   ginja: yet *selah, please continue with your converse of it
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- It is partly related to the world and partly related to mind/soul, but in special ways not to be used for any purpose it was not intended. - The lesson MayarOwl learned about that saved him from utter destruction. - *selah*
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Okay, understood, no problem. - *smile* - MayarOwl has enjoyed discussing all this with you, and wouldn't want to discourage you. - MayarOwl only means to put perspective on it, as in asking the question, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" (see above)
   MayarOwl: Ginga -- Nice to meet you, Ginga. - *smile* - Tell us about yourself. - *bowing*
   ginja: at this moment am interested in you continuing so I may be the listener
   MayarOwl: Ginga = Ginja --- *Ooops!*
   ginja: nice meeting you *MayaraOwl
   spiral jetty: So would you say that perceiving energy is not the most fundamental way to experience the world? That perceiving this 'etheric' is?
   MayarOwl: Ginja -- Ah, okay, understood. - *smile* - Do you have any questions?
   ginja: oooops, deeeeeeee loops
   ginja: just came in, not yet, ty
   spiral jetty: you like to play the role of the teacher, don'tcha?
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- The physical body perceives the world. - The etheric envelope perceives the etheric with the help of the mind/soul. - So, no, the way you asked the question missed something there, sorry. - *smile* - Do you see what MayarOwl means?
   spiral jetty: hmmm, ok.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- MayarOwl is not playing any role, but he does have great interest in helping others understand what meditation is about.
   spiral jetty: why do you have such an interest?
   MayarOwl: Ginja -- Okay. - *smile* - Nice to have you here.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Because of all the wonderful things MayarOwl has learned from deep within. - He cannot keep it to himself, and would never want to.
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- After this discussion with you today, you will have more insight into some of the things MayarOwl has written on his blog site. - So, it has been very productive chatting with you today. - *smile* - MayarOwl is glad to have had this opportunity with you, and perhaps others coming in for review will also benefit.
   spiral jetty: ok, see ya guys;)
   MayarOwl: SpiralJetty -- Okay, hope to see you again sometime. - Sleep well, but dream better. - *TNT*
   MayarOwl: (...moves back out into the deep near horizon...)
   tortuga: !~NAMASTE! is a rare occasion that I climb the Mountain...but had to come and hoot at the Owl...*VBG*
   MayarOwl: Tortuga -- Ah, hellow, Tortuga! - *smiling* - Great to see you!
   Dragonfire12: *Tosses the turtle a rope ladder*
   tortuga: ...too late...I guess I will have to be content with Owl's blog...
   outrider: howdy howdy,, sowwy tuga, the address musta got mixed up,, the rain came here instead of ur place
   tortuga: ...LOL...BLINK AGAIN for a new reality~!~...Howdee Y'All~!~
   MayarOwl: Tortuga -- Ah yes, more will be added each week, so keep checking in. - *smile* - MayarOwl has to go now, sorry to say, but will be back on first opportunity.
   MayarOwl: <--- Surf's up! -- *TNT*
   tortuga: ...*gratefully grabs the rope*...quit gloating, outrider~!~
   MayarOwl: (...moves beyond horizon now, into the deeper...)
   tortuga: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~! Waves at the departing Owl...not intending the pun...LOL...